Your brain is a powerful computer, but there are glitches in its “program”. Why are we shy in front of our boss, even though he is the same person? Why does the desire to clean up disappear, should someone ask for it? And why do we argue until we’re hoarse, even when we realize we’re wrong?
introduction. OUR BRAINS RUN ON OUTDATED SOFTWARE
Hello, dear Reader! My name is Zhenya, and I want to admit: my brain is regularly “buggy”.
Just the other day, I caught myself doing three absolutely absurd things in just one day.:
I was walking down the corridor, saw my supervisor (a completely peaceful person) and instantly felt like a guilty schoolboy. My body tensed, even though I hadn’t broken anything.
In the evening, I sincerely wanted to clean up the room, I already picked up a mop and a rag. But then Mom came in and said: “Clean up already, finally made a mess!”. At the same moment, a wave of rage rose in me. The desire to get out evaporated. I threw down the rag and defiantly lay down on the sofa.
Later in the chat, we argued with a friend about the time of the meeting. I argued (yes, stubbornly argued!) that “the beginning of the seventh” is seven o’clock in the evening. When they explained to me on my fingers that “the beginning of the seventh” is six and a half kopecks (after all, the child first goes to the first month, the second, the tenth, and only then turns one year old), I understood everything. I realized that I was deeply wrong. But admit it? No way! I continued to argue and prove my nonsense for another twenty minutes.
Is it familiar? I’m sure it is.
Our brain is an amazing supercomputer. But the problem is that its basic “software” (our instincts, psychological defenses, and ego) was formed thousands of years ago. In the modern world, this software is constantly malfunctioning. We call them “psychological bugs.”
Because of these bugs, we:
- We are afraid of people who are no better than us.
- We stop doing what we wanted to do just because we were “ordered” to do it.
- We ruin relationships with loved ones in silly arguments, defending deliberate lies in order to save a wounded ego.
- We spend tons of energy trying to appear “somehow different” in the eyes of passers-by who don’t really care about us.
This book is not a boring textbook on general psychology. This is your personal pocket manual for updating the system. We will analyze the 4 main bugs that you encounter every day, understand why they arise at the subconscious level, and get simple, working tools to “hack” them.
It’s time to update the system. Let’s go!
CHAPTER 1. THE TRAP OF AUTHORITY
Why we shrink in front of our supervisor and boss (and how to regain our Adult status)
Imagine a classic picture. You’re walking down the hallway of a college, university, or office. A supervisor, dean, or your boss is coming towards you. Something inside you instantly shrinks. My breath catches, my back tightens, and a whirlwind of thoughts rushes through my head: “Just don’t notice. As long as he doesn’t ask. Have I completed everything? Am I sure I haven’t violated anything?”
Let’s stop this moment and turn on the logic. The exact same biological creature is coming towards you. He has two legs, two arms, he also drinks coffee in the morning, he also swears at bad weather and is just as afraid of dentists. But then why do you feel like a helpless child, and endow him with the power of a formidable giant?
Where does our innate equality disappear to as soon as a person with a position appears on the horizon?
The mechanics of fear: Who are we really afraid of?
Let’s stop this moment and turn on the logic. The exact same biological creature is coming towards you. He has two legs, two arms, he also drinks coffee in the morning, he also swears at bad weather and is just as afraid of dentists. But then why do you feel like a helpless child, and endow him with the power of a formidable giant?
Where does our innate equality disappear to as soon as a person with a position appears on the horizon?
The mechanics of fear: Who are we really afraid of?