5 important rules
According to surveys, two out of three women have at least once imagined having sex with one of their friends. But is it worth making such fantasies come true?
According to sex therapist Sarah Chotkowski, attraction to a friend is a very common and natural phenomenon: “Friendship involves caring, love and trust and often lasts for years, if not decades. Friends admire our best qualities and don’t judge us for the worst. What are the prerequisites for great sex?” she says.
However, sex with friends is stigmatized.: we used to think that he could have only two outcomes, and none of them presupposes the preservation of friendship. However, according to the expert, this is not the case: if you are both free, interested in each other and at the same time do not expect anything serious, then such a relationship may be suitable. The main thing is to follow a few rules.
How to have sex with a friend: a roadmap
Rule one: talk openly… By myself
Here are some questions that Chotkowski recommends asking yourself.:
What do you really hope to gain from this relationship?
What are you ready to give your partner?
Are there boundaries that you will follow to protect yourself from unnecessary romantic feelings? Or do you prefer to let events unfold freely, and come what may?
Rule two: Talk to a friend
This step can be intimidating, because you never know what kind of reaction awaits you. “But remember that, firstly, there’s nothing wrong with getting what you want, secondly, most men are thrilled with the idea of ‘friendship with privilege,’ and thirdly, no one has died of shame yet,” says Chotkowski.
Sarah advises never to try to skip the conversation stage, even if you spontaneously slept with each other. (However, this will only simplify the dialogue — there will be much less awkwardness in it.) It is also best to talk when you are sober, calm and have time.
If it turns out that a man is not against “friendship with privileges,” you should discuss everything that bothers you and determine the degree of intimacy. Here are some questions worth asking.
Can we sleep and/or date other people?
What kind of contraception will we use?
What should we do if the chosen method of protection does not work?
Are there any boundaries that we will observe? (For example, never staying the night or staying at each other’s place.)
Do we continue to discuss each other’s personal lives and our sympathies for other people?
Is it a one—time thing (for a certain time, for example, traveling together), or do we like the format of “friendship with privileges”?
What will we do if one of us falls in love?
Should we hide our connection from mutual friends and acquaintances?
How we behave outside the bedroom: as usual, or would hugs and kisses be normal?
Step Three: Have sex
Step Four: Take Care of your Friendship
sex with a friend
“If you enjoyed going to the movies or quizzes together, keep doing it without adding sex at the end. This will make it easier to maintain a friendship if you decide to return to the previous relationship format,” advises Sarah.
Step five: “break up” is correct
Have any of you found your destiny and decided to give up “friendship with privileges”? In this case, Sarah advises dating for a while and spending time together only during the day, as well as avoiding conversations about who you’re dating.