Promiscuity – the frequent change of sexual partners – is a common type of sexual behavior nowadays. There are no restrictions on the number of sexual relations in modern society. Is this normal?
There are attitudes among men that the number of partners determines the success and relevance of a “male” and is explained by his gender nature (“fertilize as many females as possible”). However, the phenomenon of “sexual overkill” has long gone beyond gender. Studies have shown that, on average, the number of partners for men and women is approximately the same. That is, we are not talking about masculine nature, but about social, cultural processes, about the features of the era. 16.7% of compatriots (promiscuity studies have been conducted in Russia since 2013, to date, more than 1,000 people aged 18 to 50 have participated in it) reported that they have five or more sexual partners per year. According to statistical calculations, the number of sexual partners does not depend on the presence of a permanent (or official) partner. INDULGING THE SEXUAL INSTINCT IS AKIN TO INDULGING EXCESSIVE APPETITES. Alfred Adler Short-term sexual relations, on the one hand, are an affordable way to make up for the lack of emotional intimacy, to avoid loneliness. On the other hand, they make it impossible to detect conflicts and/or find the causes of internal dissatisfaction. We have a wonderful family, two children. There are no problems with sex. I let my husband do whatever he wants. Sometimes we meet a girl together and invite her home. I don’t mind having a threesome, I even like it. But my husband is always unhappy with me, and sometimes it seems to me that we are on the verge of divorce. What else does he need? Elena, 33, Social networks and dating sites support the “turnover of sexual relations.” Virtualization of sexuality helps to accelerate and multiply intimate contacts. To date (in some Western countries, almost completely), the institutions regulating sexual life, such as the institution of family and marriage, have been destroyed and continue to collapse, and the birth rate is falling. In the last century, psychologists often wrote about the separation of the sensual and sexual components in a relationship. But the separation is also taking place on another plane – the sexual, along with the sensual, is increasingly being separated from the “social”. Sensual pleasures become shameful, whereas a socially desirable “facade” is presented to the world. Behind him, many remain lonely, misunderstood, depriving themselves of real intimacy. I’m ashamed to admit, when my girlfriend is lying in bed and wants sex, I go to the shower, take a computer with me, watch porn and masturbate. I go out and go to bed. Andrey, 35 years old In the light of the above, the statements that “sex is no longer in fashion” or that “there is no sex” become clearer. Having separated from its core, sex is of dubious value and becomes at the service of other social spheres. Sex sells well – it is included in the exchange of goods – directly or indirectly. Alexander Bondarenko, Professor of Psychology, says that a model has emerged from corporate culture in which relationships are based on the principle of a project. And the design philosophy assumes that after the opening, sooner or later a “closure” will follow. At some point, promiscuity ceases to be a search for a single partner for life. The glorification of prostitutes and pornographic actresses in this situation is natural. Belle de Jour, MD, is gaining worldwide fame by publishing memoirs about how she worked as a “call girl”, combining scientific activities with the sale of sexual services. A former MGIMO student tells how she emigrated to Europe and made a career as a porn actress. PERSONALITY PATHOLOGY Before I met her, I was a sex machine. I’ve had hundreds of women, sometimes several a day. She replaced everyone for me, we began to live together, wintered in the tropics, and lived a heavenly life. And then it was over. I guess I’m just not capable of a permanent relationship. Timur, 28 years old, choosing promiscuity as the most appropriate way to organize a sexual life is associated with a change in a person’s personality. This was the hypothesis of one of the studies conducted among 50 men registered on one of the popular dating sites. It was possible to establish some links between the number of women and the mental state of the subjects. And also to make a psychological portrait of a man who is in the process of constant sexual overkill. For example, he also disdains other social norms and restrictions. For example, he believes that what he wants should be achieved at any cost, including by force or deception. He is afraid of manipulation from others and humiliation, is picky about the shortcomings and mistakes of other people. And at the same time, it is extremely difficult for him to endure loneliness. The more sexual partners such a man has, the more hostile and suspicious he is of people, and the overall level of mental distress increases with the number of women who have been in bed with such a man. QUANTITY DOES NOT MEAN QUALITY. We are all in the same boat with an infinite variety of choices. And making this choice is becoming more difficult every day, because having endless opportunities for sexual contact is associated with losses in their depth, intimacy, and intimacy. EXPERT OPINION IS A CHRONICLE OF ONE BETRAYAL And now let’s turn to a woman whose man does not consider himself attached to her. He allows himself to be with others. And so you found out about the betrayal. Shock? Is it impossible to breathe? Breathe, the air hasn’t changed. What happened? Punched in the gut? Is it unexpected? After all, “all eyes have seen and ears have heard.” How’s Freud doing? Displacement? Now it’s time to think about what you want. A scandal? Interrogation with passion, wringing his hands: “How could you?” If you want Hiroshima in one single family, go ahead. But the question is: what’s next? Look at the world you have created around you. The people around you. How’s the picture? Is it real or not? We often hide behind a pretty facade. The facade collapsed. That’s the reality. Let’s try to live in it.