Hi! I have not been in this boat, let experienced moms tell us about their impressions in the comments. Here’s what I can say, maybe one day I’ll reread this answer and laugh from the bottom of my heart.:
I am 33 years old, I have no children. I don’t mind having them for the foreseeable future, but I’m glad I haven’t given birth to anyone yet. If I had been born at 20-25, neither I nor the child would have been happy. For the first time, I started thinking about children after the age of 30; I don’t know, maybe some kind of inner support has grown, but I have a feeling that I can handle it. With whining, of course, as without whining. But globally, I can. This desire has greatly changed my outlook on things. It’s a powerful thing, I’ll tell you, all your other wishlist is put on pause. I’m still listening to this feeling, but, again, I’m glad that I gave it time to form and wasn’t led by stories about a ticking clock (and I was called a “hollow flower” for the first time in 23 years).
I notice your “must”, as if you are actually trying to change yourself, and from there your resistance grows. You have a lot of confusion: One minute you’re being talked out of it, the next you owe everyone a child. Are you sure that these are real people, and not echoes of the past and not mimicry codes? Maybe no one in your environment has been fucking around for a long time and it’s time to update the vouchers?
Since you’ve asked my opinion, here it is: I really don’t think you should give birth right now. You risk falling into an emotional pit, you’re already teetering on the edge. Let’s talk about garlic: what are you really risking by not having children? Is your marriage going to fall apart? Damn, well, he can fall apart without a child (I don’t wish that on you, but he can!). If you don’t want to, it’s unpleasant, and you’re not happy with the idea, you DON’T HAVE TO GIVE BIRTH TO ANYONE. No one will be happy, not you, not your husband, not your child. If you want to, deep down, but your anxiety is off the charts, that’s different.
I would advise you to do the work that will benefit you, regardless of whether you fix a baby doll or not. And come back to this decision later.
1๏ธโฃI do not know your medical history, but I dare say that one year will not make the weather. Give yourself that time. Separate the abstract medical scares “after 35, only downs give birth” from your real diagnosis and your prospects. Go through the relevant doctors, ask for a second and third opinion. Rely on real facts. Maybe, on the contrary, you need 1-2 years to adjust your therapy, go into remission, complete a course of medications, and strengthen your muscles. Even if you don’t get pregnant, your quality of life will increase. What does it mean to not get into a paid clinic because of a difficult pregnancy? Go to this paid clinic for an appointment and ask any questions. So far, it sounds like your fears or the bullying of unreliable narrators, sorry.
2.A normal husband and father can help with everything except breastfeeding. Bathing, walking, motion sickness, house cleaning, night shifts – all this is available to him. You’re setting yourself up now as if you’re preparing to become a single mother rather than having a baby with your family. It’s either your family trauma or a general anxiety. Even if it was like that in your family, it’s not a family curse, it might be different for you. Or you feel with your ass that your husband will turn away from his duties and he needs a child only for the status of a father. But then the problem is broader.
3.Review your information field and remove all these “I gave birth and realized that I am a childfree” from there, they have spread excessively over the past 5-7 years. The pursuit of “truth without pink ponies” has led to a skew in public sentiment, not to mention the fact that this is a great disrespect for their own children, who also live outside the stone and will see all these posts very quickly. Sometimes it’s a good idea to add pink ponies, so as not to go crazy with anxiety. There are pleasant moments in parenthood: again, I haven’t tried it, but at least in some ways your pussy should be cool and pleasing. Try to see this side of life, not just the problems.
By the way, you need to do something about anxiety, regardless of motherhood, it’s like a fountain. Start with general therapy for yourself, and then we’ll see.