- Chapter 1
The road lay under the wheels for endless kilometers.
I’ve always liked spontaneous trips alone- when you can listen to your music, enjoy your freedom, not think about work, and not think about anything at all. I was enjoying most of my journey, and there was still an hour to go before I felt strangely restless.
Maybe if you hadn’t left your charger at home, you would have felt more confident.…
I groaned, thinking of my cell phone, which had been dead for more than an hour. Instead of turning on my favorite playlist, I found myself at the mercy of the radio. And yet it seemed that every radio station was trying to lull me to sleep.
Another love song started playing, which made me sad about my loneliness.
I broke up with my last boyfriend five months ago. Sometimes I missed Nikita, even though I knew I had made the right choice. At thirty, he’s still in kid-boy mode, while I feel a lot more mature at twenty-five. Anyway, we’ve always been more friends than passionate lovers. Probably, most other women would be satisfied with a relationship with such a guy. I was the only one who craved what Nikita couldn’t give me.
At least you told him what you really want. You’ve finally trusted someone enough to tell them, and that means something, doesn’t it? He just couldn’t dare to do it even for you.
The moments of shame are clearly etched into my memory again. I’ve never felt so insecure before. I confessed my innermost fantasies to Nikita, hoping that he would understand me, but instead he went berserk. Then his anger turned to mercy, and he tried to sympathize, asking where I could have gotten such inclinations. I needed something much more from my partner. And Nikita, who was gentle in nature, was not ready for such a thing.
Maybe I was too assertive in my desires, and Nikita just behaved like a coward. I thought I shouldn’t judge a guy for not being thrilled with the idea of forcing a girl to have sex.
I was brought out of my thoughts by the steering wheel, which suddenly jerked in my hands. I managed to hold on to the car, but with difficulty. Pulling over to the curb, I put the car on the handbrake and exhaled, my heart pounding wildly somewhere inside me.
Damn it. I think I have a burst tire.
I got out of the car, there was an unpleasant crunch under my feet, and I went to inspect the damage.
As I expected, the front right tire was completely flat, and it was impossible to go any further.
Biting my lower lip, I looked around. According to my calculations, it was a half-hour walk to the nearest settlement. Why didn’t I bring this stupid charger with me? I would give a lot right now to be able to call for help. And now I was alone, in the dark, out of touch with the world, it was just horribly spinning in my head..
Theoretically, I could put the spare on myself, because there’s nothing complicated about it..
I squared my shoulders.
All right, Vita. You can do it. Come on, you can handle it.
Taking the spare tire out of the trunk, I decided to take off my cardigan, which I put on over my red sundress, fearing to get dirty.
The headlights of a car appeared on the horizon, heading in my direction. I thought about it. Wave my hand or hide behind a car so that the driver doesn’t see that I’m a woman alone on the road.
My fantasies are one thing. The reality is completely different. I really wanted to be helped, but fear made me hide behind a car.
The headlights dazzled me with their brilliance. And the car stopped on the side of the road. I raised one hand, unable to see because the light was too bright. Goosebumps of fear ran over my skin.
- Do you seem to have a problem?
The driver stepped forward, and a tall male silhouette caught my eye. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I could finally make out his face.
The feeling of anxiety increased even more when I saw how wide his shoulders and muscular arms were. I was shaking and it was already a rush of excitement…
- Chapter 2
The stranger was tall, under two meters tall. Tight jeans and a black T-shirt completely outlined the relief of his perfect body. Stubble set off his angular jaw, and dark hair accentuated his masculine features even more. His gray eyes casually appraised me, and I remembered why I was wearing a cardigan-my sundress was too revealing, and the stranger made it clear that he noticed it.
“So what happened?” He took a step towards me.
- It’s just a flat tire. I have a spare, I muttered, scared. Did this tone arouse a desire to help, or would the stranger guess how much power he had over me?
One of his eyebrows rose. Obviously, he sensed that I was nervous. He seemed amused by the situation.
“Are you sure you can handle it on your own?”
“I think so,” I nodded confidently.
“Is anyone coming here to see you?” Can I help you? His gray eyes met mine again, “your boyfriend?”
Is he trying to figure out if I’m lonely, or is he trying to figure out if someone would notice if something happened to me?
I tried to smile; I probably couldn’t.
“I called the tow truck, and they told me it would be here in fifteen minutes.
My voice sounded harsh, on the verge of rudeness. All I could think about right now was, “Fifteen minutes is too long. Fifteen minutes is more than enough time for him to…”
“I can change your tire in five minutes.” Of course, if you’re not too proud to ask for help. Are you too proud? The stranger stopped right next to me to get a better look at me.
- Listen, I don’t know you at all, and if it seems funny to you that I’m scared, then you don’t know life at all.
He jerked back, his gray eyes narrowing as if I’d slapped him. Did he take my fear as an insult? I’ve already told you that you can’t trust him. However, when he spoke again, his deep voice was softer. He calmed me down.
“I didn’t mean to scare you in any way. Let me help you and we’ll go our separate ways.
He held out his hand for the key. Obviously, he’ll need it to change the tire. But it was also the only potential weapon I had left.
Do I trust this guy?
Now his body was slightly blocking the headlights, and I could take a closer look at his face. Straight nose, wide cheekbones and full lips. He looked incredibly attractive, like a man who knows what he wants from life. His eyes never left mine, as if he had nothing to hide…
I wanted to trust those eyes, but I couldn’t. This man was a stranger to me.
I hesitated for a moment longer, and then handed him the instrument.
He took it and walked past me to get to work.
I stood aside. But even now, it was hard for me to relax around this guy. What if he’s not who he says he is?
Come on, I told myself. As if any rapist in the world would change a flat tire first.
But these fears were not the main reason why it was difficult for me to relax. It bothered me that my savior was terribly attractive. And he remained sexy to me even when I was afraid of him.
What do you think he’s going to do to you?
What would you like him to do to you? Eh?
As I watched him, images appeared in my head of him forcibly taking me in the backseat of a car and whispering, “It’s time to thank me.” His fingers tangled in my hair when he would have brought me to my knees.…
Stop it, Vita.
I shook my head, pushing stray strands of hair out of my face. Her cheeks were burning. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my legs were throbbing. I was excited, confused, and angry with myself. I wanted to forget everything like a terrible dream and never meet this stranger again.
“That’s it,” he said, breaking into my train of thought in a low voice. A few clicks of the jack, and my car sank to the ground. – You need to buy a new tire immediately, you can’t drive this one for too long.
“I will,” I replied, stung.
His smile was mocking, almost contemptuous. – I forgot that I’m talking to an expert.
Okay, he’s a smug asshole, but he’s the asshole who just saved you.
I swallowed my irritation.
“Look, thanks. Seriously. I do not know what I would do without you. I will be in your debt.
His smile faded.
“Then do me a favor.” Don’t try to be a superwoman next time. Immediately call a tow truck and wait for it in the car – that’s all you need to do to protect yourself.
He returned the key to me.
He looked into my eyes again, and I hoped he couldn’t see how much I was blushing. Then he turned around and walked back to his car.
He pulled onto the highway and drove past me. I sat motionless, watching the taillights shrink and disappear from sight as he drove away.
I had to keep going. But for a few minutes I just sat with one hand pressed to my lips and tried to stop shaking.
That’s not what I wanted. Not that at all.
If I could change everything, I would never just let him go. I didn’t even know the name of my savior.
Dear readers and readers, welcome to my very frank new book about the most forbidden fantasies.
I will be very glad of your likes, comments and additions to the library – it will help me a lot at the launch of the new product.
- Chapter 3
I always meet with my therapist on Mondays.
I’ve tried therapy before, but Anya is the first therapist who made me feel like something good could really come out of it. Everything about her and her office is soothing. Because instead of lecturing, she always listens to me.
- I didn’t realize how unsafe it could be. I was constantly fantasizing about how he was… He’s forcing me.
“It’s a good thing he didn’t hurt you,” Anya repeats calmly.
“We were alone there, in the eerie darkness. The danger could have been real, but I wanted him anyway. It was as if I was waiting to be hurt.
Anya arches an eyebrow.
“Have you ever thought about the fact that you wanted him just because he was hot?” I laugh, looking down, and she leans forward to meet me.
- Let me tell you exactly what I heard. You had problems. You’re scared. A very attractive man helped you. While he was doing this, you allowed yourself to fantasize about him. There’s nothing abnormal about it. Moreover, I would say that this is the most normal situation.
- It seems to me that I’m fantasizing about abnormal things.
- Fantasies about coercion are one of the most common types of sexual fantasies among women, – says Anya, not for the first time.
As always, I feel ashamed when she says that word.
Force.
- Not all fantasies are what we want in reality. One of the reasons you came to me was because you wanted to get rid of these fantasies. I understand why. But I don’t think that fantasy itself is your main problem. I think your main problem is the way you’re torturing yourself over it.
Anya sighs heavily.
I can’t talk about my reasons, either again or now. My mystery man looms too large in my mind. His shadow falls on everything I say and do today.
- Well, what if I have such fantasies in those moments when I really could be in danger – about men who really can…
- We’ve already talked about this. Sometimes you drive yourself crazy by thinking about what could have happened instead of just dealing with the facts. Let’s focus on the details of last night,” Anya’s tone is soft but insistent.
- This guy changed your tire, and then drove on. That’s all.
Am I thinking about him too much? Maybe. A heavy sigh – and once again I try to let go of this situation. I’m really not good at it.
- Chapter 4
After an hour-long session with Anya, I get in the car and go in search of a new tire. When this is over, I drive along familiar roads to my friends, because I promised to help them with the move.
“Is anyone alive?” I ask, going up to the floor and opening the unlocked front door.
Karina appears in the doorway with a red bandana on her black hair and a big smile on her face. She’s wearing a stained T-shirt and rubber gloves; obviously, I’m not the only one who wants to help.
- Well, are you ready to suffer?
“No more than you do.” Although you see,” I say, pointing to my shorts and gray T-shirt, “I’m even dressed for work.”
“Then let’s go.” There’s a lot of scrubbing and scrubbing.
When I enter, I see Karina’s younger brother, Arthur, with a hammer in his hand.
“Vitka, I thought you were going to dump us!”
I hug him tightly.
- As you can see, I didn’t throw it.
Karina and I met by chance in our freshman year, when we were put in the same dorm room. At first, we were wary of each other, because it would be difficult to find two more dissimilar people. I grew up in affluence, and Karina and Arthur’s family barely made ends meet. I am above average, slim and pale. Karina is short, curvy and dark-skinned. I am a brown-haired woman with hair that defies any styling, and green eyes. Karina’s hair is thick, shining, perfectly straight, blue-black, and I dream of the same as her dark brown eyes. I love literature and history, so I littered our dorm room with paperbacks. She loves math and physics, the harder the better, and doesn’t like clutter. For the first few weeks, we hardly dared to talk to each other, but by the winter holidays we had become inseparable.
Two years later, when her younger brother, Arthur, entered the same university, I also accepted him as my own. We took him to all kinds of parties, made sure that he was preparing for exams, and made fun of him in every possible way. The guys and I have become very close over the years we have spent together.
That’s why I understand why Karina took it hard when Arthur had his first serious love. He’s still our little brother, what kind of relationship can he have?
- Hi, Vit, – Alyonka hobbles out of the bathroom, folding her arms on her back. “Would you like some coffee?” Or some water? We don’t have anything else yet.
“Not yet,” I reply with a smile.
- And I would drink a cup of coffee with such a buzz right now! – Alyona is almost crying. – I literally dream and see cappuccino with cinnamon. – Alena’s doctor told her that it is better to exclude caffeine during pregnancy.
Yes, Artur and Alyona are supposedly too young to become parents – they are only twenty-two years old, they are still students.
But they glow every time they look at each other. I don’t think they decided to get married because Alyonka got pregnant; I assumed the wedding was inevitable ever since I first saw them together. For some people, this is immediately clear. Whenever I see Arthur and Alyona, I smile.
On the contrary, Karina still hasn’t come to terms with their couple.
While we thoroughly clean the kitchen, unpacking the dishes, I look in Karina’s direction. She casts a displeased glance into the hallway, where Alyona and Arthur are giggling, flirting with each other.
- If you make faces like that, your face will always remain unhappy.
She rolls her eyes at my silly joke.
“I’m just worried about them.” That’s all. Kid… Arthur couldn’t feed our cat either.
- He’s not a little boy anymore! And he has Alyona, she will help,” I laugh and shake my head.
- Vita, they are still too young for adulthood. They study and work, and they can barely afford to rent even this apartment. – Karina circles the surrounding space with her hand. – And suddenly they decided to have a child! You know how expensive kids are these days, right?
The apartment that the guys rented, of course, had seen the best views. It was, as they say, renovated by my grandmother. But I’m sure that the guys will make their nest even here. And the child… Well, after all, they both work and they have some gift money left after the wedding. And yet…
- Listen, if money solved all problems, my family would be the happiest in the world.
- I’m not a materialist. I’m a realist. Getting married now, before they graduate from university, is what scares me.
“Many people can drop out under such pressure,” I admit. – But Arthur is not a “many”.
“I like Alyona, I try to love her like a sister, but I am outraged by what she has done to Arthur’s life,” Karina purses her full lips.
“She didn’t make her own baby, you know. It actually takes two people to do this.
“Oh, ugh, that’s disgusting. Don’t remind me that my little brother can have sex,” Karina smiles, and that’s a small victory.
Alyona’s laughter can be heard from the next room, and we sneak a peek into the hall to see what’s going on there. Arthur is the male version of Karina: short, dark-skinned, attractive. As for Alena, she likes to dye her hair in bright colors. During our acquaintance, she was both pink and blue, and now her hair is an indeterminate shade of burgundy. It is not easy to imagine her in the role of an evil temptress. She’s downright cute and quiet, from her glasses to the roses tattooed on her leg.
- Lately, I’ve been trying to communicate more with Alyona, – Karina admits.
“Yeah, I noticed.
- yes. I even let her invite someone to my birthday party. The loft I’ve booked is just huge. The more people, the better. You’re coming, aren’t you?
“Are you crazy?” Of course, I’m going to my best friend’s birthday party.
— well… Karina’s expression turns guilty. “I have to tell you something… just don’t kill me!” I invited Nikita too.
I take a deep breath.
She gives me an uncertain look.
- We decided that we would remain friends. – Nikita and I haven’t seen each other all summer, and I hope that we will be able to communicate normally when we meet. Although, if he gets drunk… it might be very embarrassing.…
- You agreed faster than I expected, I didn’t even have to persuade you.
Karina grabs a knife to begin the next stage of unpacking the boxes.
“Do you miss him?” Don’t you want to get back together?
- no.
Although, to be honest, this is not entirely true. I still miss Nikita, but not as a lover, but as a person. Besides, I miss sex. Maybe sex with Nikita wasn’t the best, but at least it was something. I haven’t even kissed anyone since the beginning of the summer.
Our lack of chemistry in the bedroom is not the reason Nikita and I broke up, because he could never give me what I really want. What I need.
I think about my savior again-the tall, dark, dangerous man who saved me and just walked away.
I’m trembling.
But Karina doesn’t notice it, and I start chatting with her about anything. I’m trying to sweep dangerous thoughts out of my head along with the dust on the floor.
- Chapter 5
The rest of the week is spent in the usual routine of an office kid. Calls, meetings, discussion of layouts. As a child and teenager, I studied at an art school and thought that my career would definitely be related to creativity. Instead, I work as a graphic designer in a studio. Of course, this is intertwined with creativity, but there is also a lot of bureaucracy.
On Friday, I leave an hour earlier and go home to get ready for Karina’s party. My studio apartment is my little sanctuary. Karina says that my apartment makes her claustrophobic. But I like her.
Anyone who comes inside will immediately know a few things about me. First of all, I love reading, so I have a lot of books. Secondly, I have a peculiar taste. Only a person with oddities can buy a huge velvet sofa in such a tiny space or hang heavy velvet curtains, like in a palace.
Thirdly, I really love a little girl named Lisa, whose drawings decorate my refrigerator. I even framed one of her original drawings and hung it on the wall. Scrawled in each corner: “To Aunt Vita.”
No one can look around this room and guess that I rarely see Lisa, much less find out about the reasons. It stays behind the scenes, and I want it to stay that way.
What should I wear tonight? I don’t want to look too sexy, in case it makes Nikita think that I’m dressed up for him. But I also don’t want to look like a sucker. In the end, I decide that it’s too hot outside for September, so the main thing is to keep my clothes open. I fit into a short miniskirt and a top, trusting silver strappy sandals and hoop earrings to enhance the look.
When I arrive at the loft, Arthur leads me inside, hugging me with one arm and holding his beer with the other. Karina rarely celebrates her birthdays, but for some reason this year she decided to do it on a grand scale. Several dozen people fill the space, all of them talking and laughing at the same time, without drowning out the roar of music.
- You’ve been driving for a long time! – This is Arthur. – We’ll have to catch up with us. Do you know everyone?
- In my opinion, I don’t know anyone, – this is a slight exaggeration – I recognize a couple of faces, but both Karina and Arthur attract new friends like magnets. I am… It takes me a lot longer to get close to a new person. To get them closer. I have my reasons.
Alyona comes up to me and hugs me from behind; her stomach is pressed against my back.
- Now I’ll introduce you to everyone! This is Mira Davydova – hello! She works with Arthur. And you know Dasha Romanova, Karina’s colleague. And Maxim is Karina’s neighbor.
I try to at least wave to everyone when they are introduced, but Alyona is already leading me in the other direction.
Laughing, I try to squeeze between the two figures, but they push me right into a guy and I freeze.
Alyona continues to chirp something, not paying attention to anything.
- And this is Mark Avdeev. I work for his IT company. He founded it, can you imagine?
When I saw this man for the first and last time, the headlights illuminated him from behind and did not allow me to see him properly. But it didn’t matter. I would have recognized him out of a thousand anyway. Only one man could make me horny and weak at the same time. The cold, appraising smile of his plump lips still lingered in my mind.
He’s still smiling at me that way.
The tall, dark and dangerous stranger’s name is Mark. He’s here with my friends, here in my life. And all my fantasies about a stranger on the road seem even scarier when he is no longer a stranger.
- Chapter 6
We’re pressed against each other because of the crowd of people, and I know he can feel my breasts through the tight top. Mark tilts his head slightly, and I realize that he recognizes me, too. But he doesn’t say anything.
“Mark, this is Vita Makeeva,” Alyona continues carelessly. “She’s a good friend of ours.
I’m just nodding. No words come to my mind. A mixture of fear and desire is bubbling in my veins again.
“We’ve met,” Mark says, without taking his eyes off me.
- Yes? From where? Did you cross paths in the office center? – Alyona grins, not paying attention to how tense Mark and I are.
“We just met the other day,” I finally manage to say. – I have a flat tire. Mark changed it for me. By the way, thanks again.
He tilts his head, ignoring my words.
“Our hero,” Alyona rejoices and claps her hands.
“It’s nothing special,” with these words, he finally breaks eye contact, turns around and leaves.
I exhale slowly, only now noticing that I forgot to do it in time.
If Alena noticed my reaction, she misunderstood it.
- He sometimes seems rude, but it’s just his way of communicating. I’m not sure if he even knows how to laugh.
“Then why did you invite him?” If he doesn’t give a damn about anything.
- I invited a lot of people from work. That’s the way it’s done in our company. It wouldn’t be good to leave him uninvited.
Alyona continues to push me through the crowd.
“Come on.” We’ll find you something to drink!
I move like a sleepy fly, and for most of my life I’ve been trying to learn how to be more assertive… Let’s just say I’m doing it now. But when I saw this man again-when I found out that his name was Mark Avdeev-I was confused. I was terribly embarrassed.
Correction, I tell myself. He didn’t embarrass you. Your fantasies about him make you feel embarrassed. It’s not the same thing.
I’ll have to find him later and have a casual conversation with him. It’s a great song, right? And everything like that. Then I’ll thank him again for his help, maybe after that I’ll stop thinking about him all the time.
But now I need to catch my breath.
Alyona brings me a drink, gets herself an apple juice, and starts talking about how she wants to put purple baby wallpaper in one room, and Arthur wants green. I’m thrilled with the baby, but I can’t stand so much talk about the nursery. So I practically switch off, answering “yes” and “of course” whenever she pauses.
Almost against my will, I glance at the other end of the loft.
Mark is even more attractive than I remembered him. Not just handsome or handsome – his whole appearance is saturated with brutal sexuality. The burgundy T-shirt he’s wearing fits snugly enough around the powerful muscles of his arms and abs. His whole body looks like someone has taken an ideal and brought it almost to perfection. But there is still some vulnerability in it.
This is a man who can be broken, it seems to me. But most likely, he’ll break you first.
Mark disappears from sight, moving further into the crowd. I wonder if I should distract myself from my conversation with Alyona in order to find him, for some reason it seems to me that now is the best time for this.
Maybe I shouldn’t look for Mark at all, since he causes such a storm of emotions in me? Besides, what am I going to say? It was incredibly sweet of you to help me that night.
Do you remember how I treated you?
Before I can blink and even make a decision, Nikita, my ex, appears on the horizon. That’s all I needed.
- Vita! Nikita’s smile is absolutely sincere. There is only a drop of doubt in his eyes. He’s happy to see me, but he’s not sure if I feel the same way.
To my surprise, I’m glad to see him too.
- hello!
We hug each other, a friendly one-arm hug that clearly says we’re not fucking anymore. I notice that Alyona is studying us, and so are other people; the first meeting of exes always attracts attention. Now they’re looking at us half with relief (because we didn’t fight), half with disappointment (why didn’t they fight?).
- How was your summer? You haven’t posted anything on social media at all, Nikita is one of those people who broadcast their every move on the Internet.
- Be quiet, as I wanted. How was your summer?
“Great,” Nikita seemed to be waiting for this question. – It’s true, I’ve been working all summer, but I’m finally getting involved in interesting projects.
I don’t regret breaking up with him, but it’s nice to remember that I liked a lot about this guy from the very beginning.
Many of the eyes that follow us are female. They all want to make sure that I’m not trying to claim Nikita again. He’s handsome-and very sweet with his disheveled brown hair, kind eyes, and a smile that can be either warm or sly. In a white shirt, unbuttoned to the first few buttons, and with the sleeves rolled up, he looks not so much thin as wiry.
I look again in the direction where I last saw Mark, but he’s not there. Had he already left?
If so, I should be relieved. But I don’t feel it.
It’s time to focus on Nikita again.
“I’m happy for you,” I tell him honestly.
We talk for a very short time, exchanging important and now insignificant news for each other at the same time, and then we go our separate ways with a calm soul.
Instead of chatting and meeting new people, I’m chatting with Karina. It’s not for nothing that we are best friends, and besides, she has a new hobby that can be described in detail.
As for my falling in love-if you can use such an innocent word to describe what Mark Avdeev is doing to me-I don’t allow myself to look for him again. And he’s not looking for me. Either Mark is outside on the terrace, or he ran away early because I never saw him again.
But I see Nikita, who drinks non-stop.
Nikita is the drunkest person at this party.
“Hey,” I tell him as gently as I can. “Let’s go get some air.”
“You’re always so smart.” Nikita leans on me, but I manage to keep us upright. “Why didn’t I listen to you before?”
“Let’s go, genius.”
With my free hand, I open the glass door and lead him out onto the terrace. There are only a few people there right now, and I’m not paying attention to any of them. Instead, I lead Nikita to an ice bucket, where I find water for him among several bottles of beer.
“Drink some water, okay?” Don’t drink alcohol anymore. And eat something.
Nikita takes the bottle, but doesn’t take a sip. Instead, he smiles sadly.
“I should have tried harder. I had to make sure that everything worked out for us.
Is he going to cry? Damn, you’re a fucking whiner.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t live up to your expectations,” Nikita continues, ignoring my reaction.
“It’s okay. Truth. Please drink some water,” several people around us are giggling at Nikita.
- It’s for the best, of course. I know it. I know. But sometimes it’s so painful, right? Nikita’s voice is completely slurred now. – I should have done something while I had the chance.
“Less whining,” I say, getting angry. – More water.
Nikita finally takes a sip, but it doesn’t calm him down for long. Unfortunately.
- I just couldn’t make you happy, you know, Vitk? And, most importantly, I’m so embarrassed about this topic of yours, well… with rape…
Fuck. What a horror. Why did he mention it in front of everyone?
Everyone present looks back at us.
My face turns cold with shock, then red with shame, and Nikita continues as if nothing had happened.
- I mean, your domination and submission – everyone, of course, sometimes fantasize about something so strange, but not everyone is able to admit it. And you have your own desires! Of course you have them. But that’s not my topic at all. From the word at all. Playing the rapist. It’s a tin can. But I shouldn’t have reacted like that, Vitya.
“We’re not going to discuss this here,” I force out. “Please stop.”
Nikita’s vision clears, but it’s too late. He finally understands where we are and what he has done.
- Oh fuck…
I don’t want to look at the faces of the people standing around, but I can’t help myself. Some of them are just in shock. Others laugh out loud. Still others look at me in a way that gives me goosebumps.
The worst thing is one impassive face. Mark Avdeev is standing literally a couple of meters away from me. He must have heard every word perfectly.
It makes me feel really uncomfortable.…
- Chapter 7
Most of all, I want to hide. But to leave, I’ll have to walk through the crowd, and I’m not ready for that yet.
Footsteps somewhere behind me make me jump. It’s just Arthur, phew.
“How are you?”
“Apart from the fact that I’m mortally disgraced, it’s fine.
“Stop it. Everyone goes crazy in bed from time to time. I would have told you a couple of stories if Alyona hadn’t killed me later.
I’m grinning. Probably everyone else who has heard Nikita thinks the same as Arthur.: that he was talking about some kind of unsuccessful role-playing games. They have no idea how serious my case is.
- Nikita is an asshole. I don’t understand why Karina called him,” adds Arthur.
“He’s just drunk.” That’s all. Okay, never mind. I’ll deal with him as soon as he gets sober.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Arthur looks worried.
I’m nodding.
“Maybe tomorrow I’ll just laugh about it.” It’s just that the moment is unpleasant.
“Of course,” Arthur pats me lightly on the shoulder before leaving.
No one knows the truth. If I had been able to laugh at what Nikita said in time, then most people probably wouldn’t have thought about it and paid attention. Probably the smug grins of all the assholes around are the worst of the consequences, and that’s over.
More footsteps behind me, but this time I don’t turn around.
- I’ll get back to you soon, really…
I stop abruptly when I see who has approached me.
Mark Avdeev is not looking directly at me; he is looking in the same direction as me, into the distance.
“It seems like your ex has put you in an awkward position,” Mark says.
“He just drank too much.”
- I have never humiliated my exes in public, even drunk. And you?
- I just meant that I’m not mad at Nikita. And it’s none of your business.
“He shouldn’t have revealed something so personal.
- It was all a long time ago and it’s not true.
My best bluff. I even manage to smile. Most people would believe that. Mark is not.
“If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be standing here right now,” he says calmly. “I knew it was true as soon as I saw your expression. You want this as much as I do.
It’s the first time he’s looked directly at me.
“You hate all this, don’t you?” All these fantasies. Me too. But that doesn’t change anything.
I feel naked in front of him. Open and vulnerable. I can’t think about what he’s saying anymore; all I want to do is leave. But Mark’s presence-his heat-holds me in place like a magnet, trapping me.
“You.”.. I don’t want to talk about this with you.
“I think you do.”
This guy’s arrogance… burns.
“I beg your pardon?”
He takes a sip from his glass, leisurely and completely calm.
- I want to tell you this right now, while you feel safe among your friends. What your ex said is, if this is a fantasy you’re dreaming of, I can help you fulfill it.
Did he just say that? Are you sure I heard right?