The book is dedicated to one of the most difficult and taboo stages in a woman’s life — the menopausal period. The author does not limit himself to a medical description of the symptoms, but offers a broad view of how the physical, emotional and social changes of this age are intertwined with each other and how one can live this period not as a fade, but as a transition to a new level. The thought expressed in the epigraph of the book runs through all the chapters: “No one will lift Bob’s tail, only himself!” — it’s pointless to hope that someone will come and fix everything. A woman’s main resource at this age is her own willingness to understand what is happening to her and act on that understanding. The author shows that joy in adulthood is possible — the only question is what it is based on and how to resolve it.
No one will lift Bobik’s tail, only him!
Dear reader! For a confidential conversation, which I hope we will have, it is necessary to introduce yourself. I am a practicing psychologist. I am 50 years old. I’ve been working at a Menopause center for the last three years. In this short period of time, more than three thousand women have passed through my hands, head and heart, mostly with an atypical, pathological course of menopause, which means menopausal syndrome, which means menopausal neurosis. And this work prompted me to write a little book about menopause.
More recently, women were embarrassed to talk about this most difficult period in their lives. They tried not to notice him. If you don’t see the problem, then it doesn’t exist. And if any of the women tried to complain and explain their low performance by an incomprehensible weakness, then they told her right in her eyes that there was no need to cover up their laziness with some kind of menopause. And the tides?.. All the women were patient and they told you to. But at work, if you are under fifty and you were offended by something, you were not restrained, then one of the men will definitely remember about menopause. And he will say hurtful words about it. It’s like they don’t have menopause.
And what do we women know about menopause?
…Well, menstruation stops…The tides…The skin ages quickly and fades.
As a rule, women get fat, and sometimes they get fat… Yes, they become irritable, their character deteriorates, and the experiences of some women are so unusual that explanations for these conditions can be found in mysticism rather than in the real world. And besides the evil eye and spoilage, how can you explain for yourself not just a deterioration, but some kind of frenzy of character? Which Snow Queen enchanted you like Kai and now you see only human ingratitude and the stupidity of the government around you? And the youth has become arrogant beyond measure. And no one loves you, feels sorry for you, or appreciates you, and you’ve given your whole life away.… And what men they’ve become!.. The more you live, the less attractive there are among them. Well, there’s no one to look at… but I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror at all. There were a lot of faces – and a double chin, and “dog joy”, but where is the face? And the look on that face…
And how to cope with this irritability, how to keep a family together, what kind of relationship should there be with adult children? How to live in peace with old parents? How to deal with diseases? I have tried to answer these and other questions in my book.
What is menopause?
Menopause is a hormonal restructuring of the body, the end of the reproductive (childbearing) period. This hormonal adjustment begins around the age of 40. During this period, some women’s performance decreases and fatigue increases. Women are also upset by the first obvious signs of wilting. No wonder they say that 40 years is a woman’s age.
The onset of hormonal changes is accompanied by a psycho-emotional crisis. A mid-life crisis. A 40-year-old woman understands that old age is just around the corner and that everything in life has already happened. There is not much left of a full-fledged, active female life, and a “closing door” complex is emerging.
And here there are three roads in front of each of us: you will go to the right.… You will find a second and desired youth. A woman struggles with age. Sometimes she remains youthful, and sometimes, unfortunately, she becomes younger. Bows, childish talk, simpering coquetry – does it make you look younger?
You’ll go to the left … those who have decided that age is a good excuse to dress according to the principle “it can be worse”, that ironing a skirt often makes no sense – “it will fall off”. Such women come to the gynecologist’s appointment wearing hats. Because the hair has not been cut or washed for a long time. But you don’t wear a hat at home. This means unwashed, greasy hair for her husband, a faded bathrobe and torn slippers for the household, and underwear – the main saving item is for herself. Do such women love themselves? The question in this case is rhetorical.
You’ll go straight… you’ll realize that everything is passing, but also everything is being renewed. Life goes on. But it only becomes more meaningful, wise, and deep. 40 years is the age of youth, as Victor Hugo said, 50 is the youth of old age.
Hormonal changes during menopause are characterized by a steady drop in the levels of female sex hormones – progesterone and estrogen. A deficiency of these hormones primarily affects a woman’s emotional and mental status. The quality of mental functions is deteriorating – women complain about memory, and attention suffers, but unlike men, during the period of hormonal adjustment, many women with typically feminine intelligence begin to think better and more clearly, understand more, and, unfortunately, see the shortcomings of others more clearly. A drop in estrogen levels removes the rose-colored glasses from a woman’s eyes, giving men an unusual charm. The outlook on life becomes more sober and critical.
Estrogen interacts closely with the “mood hormones”, adrenaline and serotonin. A decrease in estrogen levels causes endogenous depression in many women. Rarely have women not experienced such a condition as premenstrual syndrome, when a woman gets the impression that her nervous system is not inside, but outside, so acutely and painfully inadequately she reacts to her surroundings. The level of estrogen in women also decreases after childbirth, which causes postpartum depression, which is characterized by apathy and abulia (there is neither the strength nor the desire to do anything, indifference extends even to the child).
Estrogen has a direct effect on the work of insulin, and therefore women after 50 may develop insulin-independent diabetes when there is enough insulin in the body, but for some reason it does not work.
The activity of the thyroid gland is directly “tied” to estrogen. And emotional, excitable women therefore endure menopause much harder. Some have a sharp drop in performance, an unusual and frightening weakness appears (as one patient said, “flabbiness”), others have increased excitability, a kind of “upturned” when they can’t sit still and everything is annoying.
Estrogen is a magical hormone and it protects a woman from many diseases. No wonder some diseases are called “male”. For example, cardiovascular diseases in women under 40 are rare. As long as there is enough estrogen in the body, the mucous membrane in women is lush and peptic ulcer is more common in men. The tone of muscle tissue also depends on estrogen and its decrease leads to disruption of the genitourinary system. And every second woman after 60 has bladder weakness, and sometimes urinary incontinence (they come to the reception in diapers).
Hormonal changes are also associated with changes in blood pressure and often lead to hypertension.
Vegetative-insulin crises also occur in the morning, when blood pressure drops, the pulse rate decreases and the woman does not wake up in any way, does not get out of a state of strange heavy sleep – half asleep, half awake.
A sympatho-adrenaline crisis can overtake you during the day. Suddenly, the pulse rate increases sharply, blood pressure rises, and sometimes chills appear.
All these diseases can be treated as they are treated in men, according to the male type, i.e. with medications specifically designed to treat a particular disease.
But women have another opportunity to maintain their health and prolong their youth – these are HRT drugs. In Bulgakov’s novel “The Heart of a Dog,” Professor Preobrazhensky suggested that a woman transplant monkey ovaries for rejuvenation. It’s easier now. Femostone will save your health, preserve the elasticity of your skin, give shine to your eyes and the joy of life.
How to treat diseases during menopause?
During menopause, a woman is literally attacked by a hail of diseases. The genetic mechanism of aging starts and begins to destroy the systems of our body. Attacks the cardiovascular system, gastrointestinal tract, musculoskeletal system, etc. Someone’s attack is targeted and one thing gets sick in a person. But this rarely happens. As a rule, at the age of 50, everything begins to collapse and there is a change in symptoms. Typical psychosomatics. Because diseases during menopause are psychosomatic in nature. That’s why women simply despair – “If you pull out your tail, your nose will get stuck. That’s how you live. The pressure jumps, the heart is failing, the liver is falling apart.”
All the accumulated and dormant ailments abruptly and briskly raise their heads and our ladies lose their heads from this. And they go on the run. On the run to the doctors. To be treated, to be treated, and to be cured. Moreover, many people believe that the most important thing is to find a good doctor. And a good doctor is a doctor who prescribes a lot of medications. The more, the more successful the treatment will be. And who, without being greedy, prescribes physiotherapy and many different pills, with precise instructions on what to take before meals and after. And the doctor who talks about a healthy lifestyle and age–related changes is not a doctor at all, we know that ourselves. However, we don’t. There’s no time. He swallowed the pill and ran on. And then there are some impossible tips – physical education, diet, limiting emotional stress (this is so that adult children do not burden us with their problems) and a lot of other restrictions. We don’t have time to take care of ourselves. And to cheer yourself up. Let others lift it for me. If they don’t want to, then they’ll live with my bad mood.
How to treat yourself and your illnesses during menopause? With understanding. With the understanding that it is unlikely to be possible to uproot the “disease”. If the disease comes at this age, then often the best outcome is its transition from an acute form to a chronic one. And it’s okay- you can live that way too. However, to live in a different way, in a different mode, coordinating their former needs with new more limited opportunities.
It is also necessary to understand that our body is a system and a medicine often has a side effect. This means that when we treat one organ, others may suffer.
Your attitude towards illness depends on your understanding of life. If you understand life as a school, and all sorts of troubles and troubles as trials and lessons, then illness should be considered as a lesson that gives us the opportunity to learn useful things. What can the disease teach? The disease helps us grow up. You’ve probably noticed that children who are often sick are more mature and wise than some adults.
Consider illness as an experience that makes a person mature. After all, the years we’ve lived don’t always make us older, but only older. Some adults, according to their passports, are just as egocentric as children, and the disease teaches such people to understand others and to be compassionate. Adults who have not grown up, as well as children, no matter what happens to them, look for support in other people. Having broken his knee, the child runs to complain to his mother, seeking comfort from her.
The disease teaches a person to look for support in himself, to take care of his own health and mood.
For many people, the disease exposes true values and shows the illusory nature of material values.
In any case, if you understand what the disease was supposed to teach you, say that you understood the content of the lesson and let it go in peace.
If you, like many people, consider illness as a punishment for sins, then your question is “for what?” It doesn’t have to be rhetorical. And if you identify your sin, then talk to God, repent, and ask for forgiveness from the person you hurt, maybe unwittingly. Learn from this ordeal. Repentance will bring you relief, and the disease can go away. Whoever repents is no longer a sinner.
If you see in the disease a reflection, a projection on the body of psychological problems, then the symptoms of the disease will help you understand your problem. You need to remember and understand your personality, but in my practice, osteochondrosis indicates a person’s need for support from loved ones, which he does not feel. Joint disease, which cannot be treated in any way, is an opportunity to get away from caring for someone close to you (a sick child, mother, husband). Women who feel humiliated suffer from constant headaches, and people with thanatophobia (an unconscious pathological fear of death) have diarrhea. Causeless intestinal disorders in people who are tormented by some memories, or these memories have already been pushed into the subconscious, but the forgotten ones that have disappeared from consciousness continue to torment. In these cases, psychotherapy, awareness and solution of the psychological problem will help.
What makes a person sick? Well, of course, I ate something. Or infected. Or caught a cold. Or he tripped and fell. Most often, a person gets sick “from nerves.” And why does a person get sick? It’s a… ridiculous question. And even with a sadistic touch. But doctors have probably encountered the amazing timeliness of some kind of disease more than once.
What kind of benefit do my patients, women of “tender” age, have from the disease during the difficult menopausal period?
What gives the disease to a woman after 45 years of age. Love and attention, the sympathy of loved ones, the condescension of others. The possibility of a human relationship with oneself; you can relax, you can pamper yourself. At first glance, it is paradoxical, but leaving some people ill is a choice, an unconscious but a choice.
The disease allows not only to realize the need for love and sympathy, but can also be used as a means of self-punishment for what a person considers his sin. For example, gynecological diseases are associated with a woman’s attitude to sex as a vice. And to his genitals as a “shameful place.”
The following fact speaks about the “attachment” of some women to their illnesses. After a thorough examination, our patients with severe menopausal syndrome are offered HRT medications in the absence of contraindications. During menopause, there is no alternative for women in developed countries – HRT helps to preserve youth, activity, and serves as a prevention of cardiovascular diseases, urogenital disorders, and osteoarthritis. But our women often choose suffering.
If the disease (or illnesses) stay with you, then you need to learn to live with them. I would like to highlight the strategy and tactics of dealing with diseases. Strategically, you need to learn to get along with them. And tactically, to help your body fight them.
- How to deal with irritation?
Almost all the women who contacted us have so-called dysphomy (decreased mood). Resentment from scratch, tearfulness, suddenly suddenly feeling sorry for yourself – no one appreciates, does not love, no one needs. A lot of things start to annoy: the world is not fair, relatives do not understand, others do not want to follow the rules of behavior, etc. And there is some kind of unusual irritation – it arises like a wave rolling in, and you can’t cope, it overwhelms you. “If you shout, you stomp your feet, it seems easier, but then the guilt torments you – you feel ashamed in front of your loved ones, you start to repent. And that’s where you live, up and down.”
At the age of 40, almost none of the women still think about menopause. But in vain. Because psycho-emotional disorders begin at this age. For some, the onset is mild and the first signs of a change in character come unnoticed. But it happens…
The beautiful Olga Leonidovna sobbed and wailed: “Oh, if I had known earlier… I wouldn’t have divorced him, I would have kept my family together.” Olga Leonidovna is 43 years old and this year she began, as she says, confusion with menstruation. But the character began to deteriorate much earlier. But which of us realizes in time that you’ve just become more irritable, we think we’re being annoyed. Before that, everything was fine because my husband behaved decently. And two years ago, everything about him began to annoy Olga Leonidovna. It doesn’t stand that way, and it doesn’t talk that way. Olga Leonidovna is waiting for him, raising his fighting spirit, walking from corner to corner, remembering all the old grievances and sins, systematizing. He carefully collects offensive words, such that they get to the very liver, so that he feels as bad as she does. The husband couldn’t stand it and left. Olga Leonidovna and her daughter started the war then, but she also slipped away into her young world. My friends ran away, the neighbors don’t answer the phone.
At work, someone regretted it and said that it was most likely due to menopause.