Why do we still blush when we talk about sex?
Not so long ago, even adults’ idea of intimacy consisted of adult films and awkward whispers. Now we seem to know that porn has little to do with real sex, and consent must be informed.
However, such conversations still cause many people to feel ashamed, due to years of silence and myths surrounding the topic of sexuality. “I Want” will try to understand how attitudes towards sexual education are changing and why it is so difficult for society to openly talk about pleasure. To do this, we talked with Alyona Bondarchuk, an expert on sexual education and the founder of the adult toy store Reve ta Stogna.
People’s attitudes towards sex education
The topic of sexual pleasure still often causes shame. More than one generation grew up in a culture where sex was not talked about, leaving it in the “forbidden” zone.
They explained to us how it was impossible, but almost never how healthy, safe, and self—respecting it could be. Therefore, many people have a feeling that pleasure is something shameful or wrong,
” says the expert.
Sexuality is a natural part of human life. A calm, non-judgmental conversation significantly reduces the level of anxiety around this topic.
As people get older, they usually start to look at sexuality more calmly and consciously. If this is often accompanied by jokes and myths during adolescence, then over the years it becomes clear that sexuality is part of overall health and quality of life.
When people start to get interested in their bodies, boundaries, and emotional intimacy, it becomes easier to ask questions about comfort and pleasure. And very often adults say, “It’s a pity that no one explained this to us earlier.”
Sexual education = healthy attitude towards oneself
First of all, it’s about self-respect. When a person understands his body, his desires and boundaries, it is much easier for him to say “yes” or “no” in any situation, and not to agree to what causes discomfort.
At the same time, when you learn to defend your boundaries, it’s easier to pay attention to your partner’s limits and hear them. In fact, high-quality sex education builds the skill of taking care of oneself physically, emotionally and psychologically.
Talking about Sex isn’t just about risks
If we only talk about infections, unwanted pregnancies, or taboos, it’s easy to automatically perceive sexuality as something dangerous. But healthy relationships are built not only on avoiding risks, but also on respect, trust, and mutual agreement. Talking about consent and emotions will help you understand that sex is not just a physical act, but an interaction between two people, where it is important to hear each other.
Growing up without open and honest explanations often means that a person searches for information on the Internet, which means they find myths and unrealistic ideas about sex. This can be a source of feeling that “something is wrong” with your body, desires, or reactions. In a relationship, it’s difficult to talk about your needs and comfort. As a result, resentments, misunderstandings, and feelings of distance accumulate.
How does a conscious attitude towards sex appear?
According to the expert, an open conversation in a public space improves the situation.:
When experts, psychologists, doctors, bloggers, or the media start talking about sexuality calmly and without sensationalism, it gradually normalizes the topic. Modern educational projects and platforms that explain complex things simply and respectfully also play an important role.
— Says Alyona Bondarchuk.
How attitudes towards sex education are changing
In recent years, we have noticeably moved from a taboo topic to an awareness of sex as a component of safety, health and decent relationships. More and more people are realizing that sex education is not about “corruption,” but about knowing one’s own body, consent, boundaries, and responsibility.
More and more parents are interested in telling their children honestly about sex and the concept of consent. At the same time, it is necessary to talk with adults who have formed their own idea of it from harmful and unrealistic sources.
How to talk about sexuality with adults
First of all, such a conversation should be started without censure. Many adults have really formed an idea about sex from porn or random advice on the Internet, and it is important not to condemn them and brand them “wrong”, but to explain that, for example, pornography is primarily an entertainment product, not an instruction for intimate life.
We need to talk about consent, communication between partners, body diversity and sexual reactions, as well as the fact that good sex is not about “fulfilling a script”, but about mutual respect, comfort and open dialogue.
Simple language and life examples work best in this case, without academic terms. Active consent can be explained through familiar situations: for example, when a person buys something on the market, the seller cannot simply take money from the buyer’s pocket, but must wait for a conscious desire to make a purchase. Consent is not silence or “well, perhaps it is possible,” but an understandable desire of both people. If a person doesn’t say yes, hesitates, or changes his mind, it means we’re stopping.
Modern sex education should be honest, scientifically based and without moralizing. We need to talk not only about anatomy or risks, but also about consent, boundaries, emotions and diversity.
Remember that the main purpose of such education is not to control or frighten, but to help people grow up responsible, attentive to themselves and others. This will help, among other things, make it easier to experience awkward moments during sex. They are not talked about, but they happen to everyone.